Midnight Blues.


I lie torn apart between the wants of my heart and the wants of my mind.
I keep expecting miracles out of holding on to blurred memories.In blink of an eye my heart shuffles.
I feel perturbed when I don’t feel hurt anymore thinking about him.How my heart neither sinks nor I feel icy chills of jealousy down my spine thinking about someone else taking my place in his arms.
He was the delicacy of my bland life.Now I’m supposed to believe he never existed?But its so hard to say goodbye.
To burn the photographs.To blow out the candle of hope to reunite again.To flush away the expectations.To erase his memories.To numb the feelings he awakened inside me.To forget the alphabets of his name.To wash away his touch.To freeze his sweet promises.
Moving on is not making me feel lighter.
His name hardly crosses my mind now, but when it does, it hits me like a truck and I fall into this pit of blue devils bleeding with psychological wounds.Everything comes  running back to me. Time reverses its course.I relive everything again and again, alone.I drown in gloom because its just his moments which come back, not him.
I do know about one thing.I really loved him.I’m afraid by letting go of him I’m slipping away my only shot at happiness.I wonder if I would ever be able to love someone with such intensity as with him.
He is my most beautiful memory from 18 years of my existence.Every moment with him is the highlight of my journey so far.
But now I’m losing him.My vision blurs when I try to picture him.I have forgotten how he sounds. It’s been so long, I don’t even know who he is anymore.
I feel like he was just a part of a morning dream which I abruptly woke up from.I don’t want him.But don’t know how to live without him.
Truth is, I don’t want to forget about him. I guess this is why I keep immortalizing him with my pen.

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